Top-notch executive Indra Nooyi's statement, "Women can't have it all", has raised the career vs home debate yet again. This time, setting aside stereotypes, we ask a basic question:
"I don't think women can have it all. I just don't think so. We pretend we have it all. We pretend we can have it all," said Indra Nooyi, PepsiCo CEO, in a recent interview, when she was asked the question that's put for ward to every accomplished woman in the world - can a woman ever have it all? There are some women who agree with Nooyi, some who have voiced their displeasure as they felt let down by her.
But whatever your take on the matter, one thing is for certain; the benchmark of success for both men and women is largely "having it all" - a carefully-packaged coinage, which sets an impossible standard that's sold to you as attainable; but is impossible to achieve without losing something in the bargain. Yes, women carry far more guilt than men because of traditional societal expectations. But does that necessarily mean men always have it all?
A while back, a survey by Break Media in Los Angeles, US, revealed that 68 per cent men would sacrifice career advancement for more time with fam ily. That's not all. Over 90 per cent of men believed that part of being a man meant taking care of their families and an equal number said they would sacrifice their own needs to take care of their families.
However, pressure to follow traditional gender roles as being the "man of the house" kept them from openly expressing the same.
Niret Alva, co-founder, Miditech, says not spending enough quality time at home makes him feel very guilty. "I see men all around me striving for that `worklife' balance, and there's no easy way to get there. I feel the pressure and the guilt when my kids tell me, `Only one of you turned up on our annual day'; or I'm caught distracted at home with work. I'm trying to strike a balance by using technology to stay connected. There's always a lot of guilt, if I stay away from my family for more than a month. Men aren't having it that easy either."
Why we're off balance
American author Susie Schnall says the first thing is to define what "all" means to you. Schnall had started The Balance Project, an online forum, to interview accomplished women about work-life balance. She says, "If `all' means that you are at the pinnacle of your career, caregiver of your children, a devoted partner, and that you can balance it all perfectly, then no, I do not believe anyone can have it all. But you can be good enough at those things and still lead a fulfilling life. It's important to be realistic."
VN Dalmia, chairman of Dalmia Continental, says, "Having it `all' is one big fairy tale. There are countless examples of highly successful men, who've made an absolute mess of their family lives. We can't have it all, but we can have some of everything, which could be called "balance", or a lot of some things and a lita tle of others."
Schnall adds, "The women who you admire, who you think are truly doing it all, they are not. They are all making sacrifices. You just have to decide what sacrifices you are personally willing to make."
How to set it right
In other words, prioritise. Anika Parashar Puri, COO, Mamma Mia, Fortis Healthcare Ltd, believes it's especially important for women to prioritise because "we have this amazing ability to focus on multiple things at one time". She advises, "You must make peace with yourself about what you can do and get realistic about what you can't. Break away from guilt, it's self-defeating. I used to have panic attacks, allergies and ulcers trying to `have it all'. Now, I only do what I can. I have a holistic approach to life where I'm aware that men tal stress directly impacts my well-being."
Author Mathew Kelly in his book Off Balance: Getting Beyond the WorkLife Balance, writes, "It does n't matter how satisfying your personal life is. If you are miserable at work, it will spill over into your home. Living a life that is deeply satisfying requires strategy, daily attention, selfawareness and discipline."
Spiritual guru Mohanji says, "The secret is being in the moment at each point, having focussed attention and to switch roles (office to home) objectively. We are one body, mind and intellect, just playing many roles."
Most people remain in the unhappiness zone, as their personal and professional goals keep getting more ambitious. Author and UK based PR guru Julia Hobsbawm has some bright ideas in her book The See-Saw: 100 Ideas for Work-Life Balance. Some of the very basic ones that everyone should follow are, she says, "Don't overload yourself. Ditch unnecessary work meetings. Learn your limits and don't push yourself to a breaking point."
How to create a work-life balance
List your top three priorities in life. You may not get to do everything you want to do -at least all at the same time but you'll be happy.
Make time for yourself. Don't push yourself ahead at your own cost. If you are physically unwell and mentally exhausted, you won't be good at anything else.
Use your calendar. Make appoint ments for a half-hour walk, coffee with your daughter or a date with your partner. Make these things non-negotiable.
Be realistic about what sacrifices you're willing to make. And under stand that you must make sacrifices.
Don't try to balance everything every day. Some days may be more child focussed. Some days are all work. It's impossible to make everyone happy every day. Think forward and try to imagine what you will regret later. -Susie Schnall
"I see men all a around me striving for that `work-life' balance.I feel the pressure and the guilt when my kids tell me, guilt when my kids tell me, `Only one of you turned up on our annual day '" -Niret Alva, co-founder, Miditech
"Have it all? Are you kidding me? We would be happy if we could have `some'! And if you think w omen are judge d for having a career,try comparing that to society's reaction to a man saying he wants to be a househusband" -Papa CJ,comedian
"Nobody can have it all. For men too, it's like chasing some elusive dream. We become mechanical metro machines running after fame and success.We sacrifice personal dreams for professional success" -Kapil Sharma, anchor and comedian
"I see super successful women, craving to spend time with family and kids. I see stay-at home mothers wanting a career and a life beyond home. Nobody 's in paradise. Everyone is searching for their own haven" -Ramneek Pantal, model
BDST: 1644 HRS, Aug-06, 2014
