In doing`important' jobs, we've forgotten the one that gets done without us even trying. If you're not influencing your child, who is?
With some attention, it gets done positively; without, it gets done anyway. Like parenting, this job is tough, because it means you start doing things on purpose. It's humbling, because it may require us to change attitude, tone and even language. I'm talking role modelling. And there's no memo. But if you're paying attention, your best caller-outer is your child.
Just this morning, my seven year-old told me (about a dying baby pigeon I was trying to revive), "You've tried... maybe now is the time you STOP caring." I couldn't believe she was asking me to bail, though she was right. I'd been at it relentlessly, for two days. And though I model practicality, had I taught her to be this cold? Daddy was quick to add the touch of mercy, "We will continue to care for it till it dies. That is the nice thing to do."
Thankfully, our kids have two role models one, a tough cookie, the other, a gentle voice of wisdom. I'll let you guess who is which. We take this role modelling job rather seriously . Though years of varied influences, experiences and people have changed my life, I'll agree with psychoanalysts who say our personalities are shaped by genes and early childhood. I may enjoy ascribing attitudes to myself in trying to "build" my personality, but when it's down to basics, observed and learned behaviour is what gets displayed.
I'm also hearing that personality is fully-developed by the tender age of seven.Yes, seven; not mine, but expert theory.For those of you reading this and gasping, the damage isn't fully done, nor can you relax if things are good. Social influences will still manipulate your child, but displayed behaviour will usually be in line with early learning.
Working for a fat pay cheque for your child's "needs" pales in comparison to this job, right? It should. Again, it's not easy. Some of us don't want to be role models. I know there are days when I don't; when there are drivers I want to slap, bumpy roads I want to cuss. But, they're role modelling opportunities.
How do I even notice these moments?
Just LISTENING to my kids! "Mum, there's no point shouting at people with the car windows up. He can't hear you!" "Idiot!" "I've had enough of you. Ssshush!" And this priceless outsider, "Damn!" The last is not mine, but this is typical behaviour -kids trying out what they've heard from you, or someone else.
Stay calm and show wisdom.
Young kids don't know negative from a positive influence. I remember trying out the word "pimp" as a child... no idea how I heard it. I liked the sound and later that day, called my dad a "little pimp". There was high drama in the house, plus a firm whack on my lips by my mum. I have nev er used the word since. Interestingly, I think we could have all talked instead of the drama... but funnily enough, old-and wise as I am, I sometimes handle things at home, similarly . Ouch.
See what I'm saying? Learned behaviour.
Kids will try out stuff, and not all of it is appropriate. To be a role model, you . need to be around, for one; and watch . yourself, two. It takes time and interest. It takes wanting to be a model. They mess up? You let them know.You mess up?
They'll let it show. And then you start over.
BDST: 1724 HRS, Oct-20, 2014
