In reality, most parents don't 'choose' a style; rather, they most often default to their natural style. Their natural style is a product of how they were raised, their views on parenting, and what has happened to them till that date. It takes work and selfawareness for a parent to choose a style that is outside their default way of being.
Parenting is not an event, it is a journey. Parents should spend time thinking about what their default parenting style is, and what changes they would like to make to benefit their children and themselves. It is important to remain flexible and understand that styles may need to change along with the changing needs of the children.
The parenting style one chooses doesn't always have a profound effect on the child's development; but it can, depending upon the temperament of the child, the severity of the parenting style, and what other influences the child has in hisher life. Many other things have a profound effect, like the child's genetic makeup, their caregivers, school experiences, extended family etc.
There is no one 'right' style or one 'best' parenting recipe that applies to all children. Every parent, every family, and every child is different. It is up to each family to navigate what is right for them. This is the part that makes parenting so difficult!
You can combine two or more parenting styles. While consistency is really important in parenting, styles can be combined, especially when different situations or different children are involved.
It is difficult when one parent clashes, disagrees, or even outright conflicts with the other. That situation is not good for the parents or the child. It can take time, patience, and work in order for parents to talk to each other and then come to a mutual agreement about how to parent, yet this is what should be done. It works best when the parents present a unified front of love and consistency with the child.
Guiding principles of good parenting
- Unconditionally love the child, independent of what they do or accomplish.
- Parent the child you have, not the one you want!
- Don't do things for the child that he can do for himself.
- Don't try to be a perfect person in the eyes of your child - share your past failures, successes, fears, hope, and dreams.
- Be clear, consistent, and enforce boundaries. Children feel safe when there are boundaries and they know what they are, even if they challenge them.
4 Major types of parenting
1. Authoritative parenting (Good style) Parents are attentive, forgiving, can understand how their children are feeling and teach them how to regulate feelings. They do not force their children to obey them blindly, but make them understand why they must follow certain rules and regulations. They encourage their children to be independent but still control and limit their actions.
2.Permissive parenting (Good style but has limitations) These parents are nurturing, accepting, and are responsive to the child's needs and wishes. Also known as Indulgent parenting, this style allows children to be selfregulated. This may result in creating spoilt brats, depending on the child's individual experiences at home, school etc.
3. Authoritarian parenting (Need for concern) A strict style, where parents establish rigid rules and regulations for children and failure to obey their guidelines result in punishment. Authoritarian parents expect a lot from their child, but generally do not explain the reasoning for the rules or boundaries. It allows little open dialogue between the parent and child.
4. Uninvolved parenting (Need for grave concern) The involvement of parents in this parenting process is zero. They do not communicate effectively with their kids. This kind of neglectful parenting can stem from a variety of reasons like parents prioritising themselves, lack of encouragement on the parents' parts, financial stresses, rift between partners, etc.
Source: Times of India
BDST: 1719 HRS, AUG 20, 2015
Edited by: Sharmina Islam, Lifestyle Editor
